


the greatest thing you'll ever learn

by nyegi



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Post-Canon, childhood friends to weird will-they-won't-they pseudo-rivals to lovers, slow burn but it's really not that slow. more of a moderately paced burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyegi/pseuds/nyegi
Summary: “I want to talk to you about the show. Moulin Rouge.”Kaoru’s face lit up. “You’re going to do the show?”“I’m considering it. I spoke with Maya. It seems important to her, and I can’t deny that her casting choices were apt for the script.” Almost too apt. Chisato briefly wondered if she should be offended that Maya saw her as a caged bird, cynical of true love and imprisoned by the entertainment industry. She decided she was probably overthinking it.(accompanying arthere!)
Relationships: Seta Kaoru/Shirasagi Chisato, implied Maya/Eve
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	1. this story is about love

"No. Absolutely not. I’ve told you before, I don’t want to work with Kaoru Seta.”

"Miss Shirasagi, I advise you to consider this opportunity more deeply." The agent gave her exasperated talent a searching look. "It may be time for a change of pace. Breaking back into live theater would be an excellent way to make you more accessible to your fans, in the way that your old band did. Television just doesn't have the same personal quality. As for the show itself, Moulin Rouge is familiar, approachable. This could only lead to good things for you."

Chisato sighed. "I know." Of course her agent was right. She couldn’t deny it.

The opportunity to work with Kaoru arose reasonably often, considering the fact that they were two acting talents living in the same town with a long history together. They’d been through this process so many times. They'd be cordial for the bulk of rehearsals, and then Chisato would just get...angry. For reasons she couldn't understand. And that made her feel confused - distracted. Being around Kaoru made her feel guilty about something she couldn’t put a name to, and that wasn’t conducive to a focused mindset. No, she wouldn't fall into this trap. Not again.

-

Chisato fell into the trap.

Again.

She’d let her agent talk her into a meeting with the director, mostly as a concession after the woman’s continued insistence. Deep down, she agreed that this was too important an opportunity to refuse outright, but she definitely wasn’t happy about it.

"Fuehehe...hey, Chisato! Long time no see!"

Chisato balked at the unexpectedly familiar voice. "Maya?"

She barely recognized her old friend and ex-bandmate at first - her hair was cut much shorter now, and she was dressed in a sharp pants suit - but Chisato couldn't mistake Maya's unique laugh.

To Chisato's mild embarrassment, the other woman pulled her into a hug. "It's been way too long! How are you doing?"

"Well enough. How about you? How's Eve?"

Maya beamed, fiddling with the wedding band on her finger. "She's great. She misses you. We both do. We really should get the band back together more often."

Chisato hummed in polite agreement. She loved her old bandmates, she really did - but seeing them always left her feeling a lingering sense of emptiness that took longer to fade than she could afford.

She was no stranger to loneliness. She'd spent her entire life coping with it, framing it as an advantage. In the end, the only person you could really count on was yourself. That was doubly true in show business. Still, she couldn't help feeling like she had found something truly unique with that band, and she'd let it slip through her fingers.

She didn't have time to get stuck in the past. Nostalgia and regret wouldn't solve any of her problems, and God knew she didn't need to create any new ones.

"So, um, Maya...are you working on the production? I'm here to speak with the director."

Maya grinned slyly. "Speaking."

"W...what?" She couldn't help the outburst. " _You?_ You're directing?"

"Hey, c'mon! Is it that shocking? I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it, too!" Maya huffed playfully. "Especially since I finally landed a gig this huge."

"Sorry, I just..." Chisato laughed in disbelief. "Wow. Congratulations!"

"Fuehe, thanks." A slight blush had appeared on Maya's cheeks as she averted her eyes sheepishly. There was the Maya that Chisato recognized: humble as always. "But listen, Chisato, kidding aside, I really need to talk to you about the show."

"Alright. I'm listening."

"You're the perfect actress for the role. Honestly, when I worked with the scriptwriter, I had you in mind the whole time. I can't imagine a better Satine." Maya paused, thinking carefully about her next words. "As for Christian, it has to be Kaoru.”

Chisato raised an eyebrow. “A woman?”

“Well, yeah, that’s kinda my niche. I take romantic musicals and adapt them for two female leads.”

“Ah.” Chisato thought for a moment. If Maya was insistent on casting a woman as Christian, she honestly couldn’t argue that Kaoru didn’t fit the bill.

Maya continued. “I know that you two have some...personal history, but I’ve seen your chemistry onstage together. It’s really something special.”

“...All right.” Chisato sighed, defeated. “I’ll try.”

-

“Chisato! Darling!”

Kaoru blew into the cafe looking the same as she always did: chic, fashionable and perfectly in her element. Her dedication to her immaculate image was impressive, to say the least. As usual, several adorers gawked furtively, whispering excitedly amongst themselves.

Chisato took a sip of her coffee. “Hello, Kaoru. Thanks for coming out.”

“To what do I owe the honor? It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?” Kaoru sat down across from her, resting her elbow on the table and her chin in her palm.

“I want to talk to you about the show. Moulin Rouge.”

Kaoru’s face lit up. “You’re going to do the show?”

“I’m considering it. I spoke with Maya. It seems important to her, and I can’t deny that her casting choices were apt for the script.” Almost too apt. Chisato briefly wondered if she should be offended that Maya saw her as a caged bird, cynical of true love and imprisoned by the entertainment industry. She decided she was probably overthinking it.

“Satine really does you perfectly. I’d love to see you all done up in diamonds, glittering on stage. You’d steal everyone’s breath away. Mine, certainly.”

Chisato made a noncommittal noise. “Kaoru, listen. I need to talk to you. _Really_ talk to you. Okay?” She continued without waiting for a response. “If I’m going to do this show with you, I need you to promise that you’ll stop this...you know, _fanservice_ thing you do. At least with me. It makes me feel like we’re not really communicating with each other.” It made her feel a lot of other things, too, but she couldn’t articulate them out loud. Honestly, it hurt. It made her feel like Kaoru didn’t trust her, like she was just another swooning fan in the crowd - and for some reason, Chisato couldn’t stand that.

Kaoru’s expression was complicated. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”

“It’s _me_ , Kaoru. You don’t have to dazzle me. I’m just Chi-chan.”

“Just Chi-chan, huh.” Kaoru looked a little embarrassed, but it was obvious that she was genuinely considering Chisato’s words. “I don’t mean any harm by it, but if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll tone it down.”

Chisato was a bit taken aback. She’d expressed general annoyance at Kaoru’s theatrical flattery before, sure, but this was the first time she’d brought it up in a serious conversation. She hadn’t expected such a considerate response. Would it have always been this easy?

-

“Alright, we’re going to start with a readthrough of the script in 15. If anyone wants a last-minute refreshment, hurry up and grab one before they’re gone!”

The rehearsal room was a little less spacious than Chisato was used to, but it didn’t lack any of the necessities. Half the space was set aside for blocking and choreography practice, empty of furniture except for a piano against the wall. The other half was crammed full of an eclectic mix of sofas and chairs of all types, arranged into a circle. A folding table was set up against the non-mirror wall and covered in assorted breakfast items, a coffee machine, and a water cooler. As a director, Maya clearly prioritized a comfortable atmosphere over professional sterility. It was unfamiliar to Chisato, but not unwelcome.

She briefly considered getting up for a scone, but decided it wouldn’t be worth losing her prime couch spot. Just as she was thinking this, Kaoru sat down next to her, a plate of scones in hand.

“Here, I got enough for both of us. You like these, right?” Kaoru balanced the plate across Chisato’s thigh and her own.

“Yeah. Thank you.” Chisato offered a little smile. Despite all the drawbacks of working with people she knew, there were a few plusses, too.

Kaoru selected a blueberry scone to munch on while leafing through her script. Chisato noticed that it was already full of handwritten notes. Kaoru was capable of beautiful penmanship, but her personal notes were nearly unreadably sloppy. It was a little charming.

“Were you up late last night?” Chisato leaned over to look at the other woman’s script, their shoulders touching. “Exhaustion doesn’t exactly lead to good acting, you know.”

“Ah, well...” Kaoru looked sheepish. “I can’t help but want to read it myself before the first readthrough. I want to be familiar enough with it to make an impression.”

“I know what you mean.” Honestly, Chisato had done the same thing, reading and marking up her own script late into the night. “This isn’t an audition, though. They asked for us by name.”

“That means they expect the best.” Kaoru flashed a confident winning smile, but Chisato could tell by her body language that she was slightly nervous. It was nearly imperceptible, and she doubted anyone besides herself would notice.

“You ladies ready?” Maya strode over, a clipboard containing her own script in hand. “This is just gonna be a quick readthrough to assess the cast and chemistry. No songs yet, just the spoken parts. Nothing unfamiliar to either of you, I’m sure. I’ll be more concerned with watching the auditionees. I’m counting on you two to set the bar. No pressure!” Maya’s exaggeratedly serious tone indicated that she was joking, but there was definitely truth to her words. All eyes would be on them.

The director flitted off as quickly as she had appeared to herd everyone else into the couch circle. Moments later, the room was quiet, everyone anxiously scanning their scripts and scarfing down the last of their breakfasts.

Maya was seated in a particularly deep armchair, legs criss-crossed beneath her. “Thank you all for your time and hard work. Let’s get this thing started!” She nodded at Kaoru, who placed the now-empty plate beside her. The director had been right. All eyes _were_ on her. She sat forward, tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear, and dove into Christian’s first line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really, really self-indulgent. and i mean Really self-indulgent. hi. welcome. i love you


	2. why live life from dream to dream

“Alright, guys. Today we’re going to get started with some musical numbers. You’ve all been listening to them on your own time, right?” Maya was sunken into her usual deep armchair, flipping through some scores. “Our music director will be here in just a few minutes. I know it’s a little out of order, but I’d like our leads to work with her on their solos today while everyone else works on ensemble pieces with me. Sound good?”

Various affirmative responses resounded from all directions as people began to break away from the circle. The room was abuzz with excitement - it had been a week since the first rehearsal with more script readings every day, and everyone had been anxiously waiting for music rehearsals to begin.

Chisato had already begun practicing her solos on her own time, and she would be willing to bet that Kaoru had as well. They had already received their musical scores at the same time they were given scripts, and it was easy to find recordings of the songs online.

She was confident that she’d be able to embody Satine, but something about the character didn’t sit well with her. The way she initially put her responsibilities first, but eventually ended up risking it all for love...it reminded Chisato of how she’d felt about Juliet. She couldn’t understand why someone would give up their life’s work for a fling. It just wasn’t realistic.

But she was an actress, and pretending to believe things she didn’t believe was her job. It didn’t matter how she personally felt about the character. Work was work. She remained lost in her thoughts until the sound of the door opening snapped her back to reality.

“Hello! Sorry I’m late!” Another familiar voice panted, followed by the sound of a rolling briefcase being dragged over the bump of the doorframe. Chisato recognized the diminutive woman immediately.

“Tsugumi!” Kaoru’s voice resounded from across the room as she strode over to greet the new arrival. “Are you our music director? It’s so wonderful to see you! You’re looking as adorable as ever...”

Kaoru continued on in that manner, leaning against the wall, until Chisato walked over to join them. “Come on, give it a rest, Kaoru. At least let her sit down first.”

“No, no, it’s okay! It’s so great to see you two again.” Tsugumi shook her head, laughing. It was striking how little she’d changed since high school - her hair and style of dress were identical. Today she was wearing a yellow sundress with a comfortable-looking faded hoodie, emblazoned with Afterglow’s logo. Looking at her was like looking into a time portal, Chisato thought.

“I got here as fast as I could. I had to do some finagling with the band schedule to fit this show in, but we don’t have any concerts for a while, so it should be fine. I was just at a meeting to work it out with Himari - you know how chatty she gets.” Tsugumi rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “Anyway, are you two ready to get started? Maya told me I’d be helping you individually with some solo stuff today.”

Chisato nodded, following her two colleagues over to the piano on the emptier side of the rehearsal space. The rest of the cast and Maya had remained in the chair circle, so it was just the three of them.

Tsugumi dug through her briefcase, which was crammed full of sheet music. She muttered to herself idly as she searched, finally pulling out what she was looking for. “Let’s work on Satine’s big solo first. I really love this one, and it’s a great way to get to know the character. Kaoru, don’t forget about that one line you’ve got in the middle.”

The _One Day I’ll Fly Away_ scene was one of Satine’s biggest moments in the show. It was the first time the audience would be introduced to the real Satine, singing from her gilded birdcage, musing on her newfound feelings for Christian, longing to escape the cabaret. It also led into _Elephant Love Medley_ , considered by many to be the most iconic song in the score. Chisato knew that a lot was riding on how she sold this number, regardless of how she felt about it personally.

Tsugumi had seated herself neatly on the piano bench, looking at Chisato for a signal to begin. She gave her a nod, and the pianist eased into the song’s soft introduction.

Chisato stood up, staring at herself squarely in the mirror. In an emotional number like this, perfecting her expressions would be crucial. She had already memorized the lyrics, so she had no need to follow along in the score. She took a deep breath. As her part approached, she began to sing:

_I follow the night_

_Can't stand the light_

_When will I begin to live again?_

_One day, I'll fly away_

_Leave all this to yesterday_

_What more could your love do for me?_

_When will love be through with me?_

_Why live life from dream to dream_

_And dread the day when dreaming ends?_

-

Rehearsals had been going so well, it almost made Chisato anxious.

The cast had gotten comfortable enough with the dialogue and music to put a significant amount of energy into blocking and choreography - both of which had been progressing smoothly. Today's rehearsal had finally come to an end.

Chisato was drinking from a hard-earned bottle of water when she felt Kaoru sit down next to her. She offered a sip to the other woman, partially just to tease her, but was surprised when Kaoru actually took a drink - but not without the subtle embarrassed flush Chisato had been hoping for.

"So, Chisato...if you're interested in coming over for dinner tonight, we could practice the choreography a bit more together." Kaoru had fully recovered from her momentary lapse, laying on the usual princely charm. She laid her hand over Chisato's. "I'll buy you dinner."

Chisato fought back the urge to roll her eyes. "Okay, Romeo. I hope you know I'd come over even without the little kitten treatment." She retaliated by taking the hand over hers, twining their fingers together. Kaoru smiled sheepishly, covering her mouth with her other hand. Cute, Chisato found herself thinking.

They left the theater together, heading for Kaoru's car. Chisato had taken the train from her own apartment, so she didn't have to worry about leaving her vehicle behind. She had a car of her own, but she'd never been fond of driving. Navigating, specifically. She was notoriously talented at getting herself hopelessly lost.

Kaoru opened the passenger seat door for her, and Chisato slid in. Her car was relatively tidy - a few pages of sheet music were on the floor, but it was otherwise free of clutter. A small orange charm hung from the rearview mirror.

"Hello, Happy World, huh...what ever happened to all of you? I know Kanon went off to study marine biology." Chisato took the charm in her palm, examining it.

"Misaki moved out of town to go to this really prestigious art school. We knew we wouldn't be able to keep the band together with everyone so far apart, so we put on this huge extravagant farewell concert."

"Oh, that's right. I wish I could've been there. I'm sorry." Chisato really did regret not being able to attend, but she had been right in the middle of fliming a movie in which she'd landed the lead role. Kaoru looked a little surprised.

"No, it's okay. I know how strict your schedule is. I appreciated that you took the time to call me on the day of. Hearing your voice helped calm my nerves." Kaoru focused on the road for a moment, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. "Anyway, as for the rest of us - Hagumi took over her family's restaurant, and Kokoro has been doing a lot of volunteering and charity work. And you know what I've been up to, of course."

Kaoru had been building her reputation as an actress by participating in local theater, spending nearly all her time going from one show to the next. She was starting to become quite a big name, even getting TV and movie offers. Her passion was in live theater, though, so she turned them down more often than not.

"You've been working hard. I'm proud of you." Chisato was surprised to hear the words come out of her own mouth, and even more surprised at how genuine they were. Deep down, where there was usually a sort of inexplicable resentment, she now found pride. Warmth. Maybe another feeling, too, but she decided not to think about that right now.

"Chisato..." Kaoru grinned, bashful but clearly happy, and tucked a strand of hair that had freed itself from her ponytail behind her ear. She looked striking, her smile softly illuminted by the glow of the streetlights outside. This was Chisato's favorite Kaoru. The one that appeared when it was just the two of them, and they didn't have to perform for anyone. When they could be Chi-chan and Kao-chan again.

Kaoru pulled up to a red light, looking over at her. "I'm proud of you, too. We've both come awfully far, haven't we?"

Chisato hummed thoughtfully. They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Kaoru pulled into the parking lot of an Italian restaurant.

"We can get a to-go order and bring it back to my apartment. What would you like?"

"A flatbread pizza, but you don't have to pay for mine."

"Come on, I insist. Let me treat you."

Chisato sighed. "Oh, alright. Just this once, and I owe you." She knew Kaoru relished in the opportunity to be the gentlewoman, so she figured she'd let her have this one.

She briefly wondered if it was possible for chivalry to be someone's love language, but she quickly discarded that train of thought. Of course Kaoru didn't love her, not after all the times Chisato had made things tense and uncomfortable between them. Kaoru's love was better given to someone else. Chisato's chance had come and passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh (dats me yellin)


	3. storm clouds may gather, stars may collide

It didn’t occur to Chisato how long it had been since she’d visited Kaoru’s apartment until they arrived. It looked more or less the same as it always had. Kaoru’s guitar was propped up against the couch next to a folder full of musical scores. As always, her wooden bookshelf she’d kept from her childhood home was filled to the brim with all manner of novels, poetry collections, and God knew what else. A close look at the bottom of the left side would reveal the letters K + C, crudely etched with a pencil.

Countless flyers and posters advertising various plays and concerts adorned the walls, some of which featured Kaoru herself. Chisato knew the practice of putting them up wasn’t due to vanity, though - it was more like self-encouragement. They were reminders of what she was capable of. Kaoru had always been strict with herself to only put forth her very best.

Chisato knew the feeling. She hoped Kaoru knew better than to set the bar too high, fly too close to the sun. Burn herself out.

Her idle thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Kaoru sweeping various loose sheets of paper and writing utensils off the table in front of the couch and moving them to the top of the bookshelf. “Rather eat or rehearse first?”

Chisato considered. “Let’s just eat first while it’s hot.”

Kaoru hummed in agreement, mentioning something about going to change and retrieve a glass of wine for the lady. Chisato was, once again, alone with her thoughts. The absolute last state she needed or wanted to be in.

This whole scenario felt like deja vu - countless times, this was where it had fallen apart. She’d come here, or Kaoru would come to her place. They’d eat, rehearse, talk, get caught up in conversation and memories and each other. They’d put a TV show on and ignore it. She’d wake up to a hot cup of coffee. It was all perfectly lovely until Chisato got home.

That was when the guilt started. Chisato would feel like she was taking something she had no right to take. She would be angry with herself for getting distracted - selfish. The guilt would turn to anxiety, and the anxiety to frustration, which had nowhere to go but out in the form of pushing everyone away. Which, of course, led to more guilt.

The only way she knew how to get rid of those feelings was to throw herself back into work, where she wouldn’t have to parse any emotions unless they were outlined for her in a script. Kaoru would always try to check on her, ask if everything was alright, but she never pressed Chisato for more information than she was willing to give, which was close to nothing. What could anyone do in that situation besides back off? Chisato knew she was driving her away, but as much as she hated it, by this point she’d always already convinced herself that it was for the best.

The worst part was that she could never pinpoint why this happened. The guilt didn’t just come from taking a night off, no matter how much she told herself that was the reason. She knew that the root of the problem was Kaoru - but it couldn’t be, because Kaoru was always kind and attentive. No, the root of the problem was within herself.

Kaoru flitted back into the living room, now in a black T-shirt and sweatpants, two glasses of wine in hand. Setting one down in front of Chisato, she sat down on the couch cushion next to her with a soft _pomf_.

Chisato briefly considered going to change clothes as well - it wouldn’t be the first time she’d borrowed loungewear from Kaoru - but she decided against it, opting to sip her wine instead. It was cloyingly sweet, practically grape juice. Kaoru couldn’t stand drinking anything dry or bitter. The dichotomy of the wine’s elegant appearance and disarming sweetness reminded Chisato of Kaoru herself, and it made her smile a little despite herself.

Idly, Chisato spoke without thinking. “Are we doing this again?”

Kaoru paused, the sound of her rummaging in the take-out bags coming to a stop. “Doing what again?”

“You know.” Chisato gestured vaguely, not looking up from her drink. She already regretted bringing it up. “This.”

Kaoru sat back against the couch, sighing. “I don’t know. Are we?” She ran a hand through her hair, which she’d taken out of its ponytail when she changed clothes. “I wish I knew what I always do wrong.”

“No, you-” Chisato felt a pang of guilt, struggling to find the words. “It’s not you, Kaoru. I mean, it...it’s not anything you’ve done.” She found herself wondering whether that was completely true.

"If there’s something going on, you have to tell me, Chisato. Otherwise I won’t be able to help.” Kaoru’s concerned tone sent a fresh wave of regret through her. Kaoru really had matured, Chisato thought. The person looking at her searchingly wasn’t the anxious little girl she used to be. Chisato had looked away for too long, and Kaoru had grown up without her.

“Is it my, ah, public persona? Because I-”

“No! It’s fine. It’s okay. Really. I guess I just have a hard time letting go of things that happened a long time ago.”

“Well, do you want to talk about what happened a long time ago?”

“I don’t know. Not really.” Chisato let out a controlled breath. “I guess I feel like you sort of outgrew me.”

“Outgrew you?” Kaoru repeated quietly. “I don’t understand. If anything, you outgrew me.”

Chisato bristled. “That doesn’t make sense. You’re the one who moved on to new people, Kaoru. You made new friends, and I didn’t have anyone.”

Kaoru blinked. "What?"

"You were my only friend, you know. Everyone else in my life treated me like...like a fucking product to sell. Like a porcelain doll to be admired from its display case, but never touched. You were the only semblance of a real childhood I had. We...depended on each other.” Chisato was losing her composure now, nails digging into her palms. 

The words were pouring out of her before she could even think about what she was saying. For as long as she could remember, she hadn’t been able to articulate these thoughts even to herself, let alone out loud, but now they were all spilling out at once.

"But as soon as you didn't need me anymore, you left me - just like everyone else who pretended to care. You found other friends. You stopped coming over. And I was alone again. I needed you, Kaoru, and you just- you-"

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" Kaoru’s tone was soft, gentle as anything, but Chisato could tell she was reeling at her words. Her eyebrows knit together anxiously. "I didn't understand why you started to treat me so coldly. I thought you didn't want me around anymore. I didn't understand, Chisato, I was a child-"

"You never asked!" Chisato spat. "I missed you so much and you never even _tried_ to find out what was going on!"

"I couldn't read your mind. I thought you hated me. It broke my heart."

Chisato faltered.

Kaoru looked her in the face. "Just because I gained the confidence to make other friends doesn't mean I stopped caring about you. I gained that confidence _because_ of you. I didn't understand why you suddenly became so bitter toward me. I _never_ hated you, I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I still-”

"Kaoru-" Chisato's face was hot, the tears burning against her cheeks. She brought her hands up to cover it, her expression contorting with shame. "Don’t...I'm sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m acting like a kid." She felt hands on her arms, her back, holding her.

Chisato could feel two wet spots forming where her eyes were pressed into Kaoru’s t-shirt. "It was all my fault, wasn't it? I drove you away. I made you hate me. I fucked it up for us and you deserve better. That’s why we can’t...”

"I've never hated you. I just didn't understand what was going on. You were always so brave in my eyes, Chisato, I had no idea you were going through that."

"You couldn't have known. I didn't tell you." Chisato's words dripped with self-loathing now. "I did this. I didn't have you all to myself anymore, and it tore me up. I didn't know what to do with all that hurt and anger. I’ve been so stupid. I bottled it all up and let it eat at me for so many years, I couldn’t even recognize it anymore."

Kaoru just held her close, and neither of them said anything for a moment.

"I just-" Chisato's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Nothing ever made me feel as safe as you did. I just wanted you to come back. I wanted you back so bad. Kaoru, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Kaoru sounded like she had more to say, but couldn’t articulate it.

"It's not. I hurt you."

"We were children. You were under more pressure than any child should be."

Chisato buried her face further into the fabric of Kaoru's shirt. "I felt like I lost you to the world. It wasn't fair. I-" Chisato took a deep breath. "I was terrible to you. I really hurt you.”

Kaoru spoke softly. "We could try to go back to how things were. Being there for each other."

"I don't deserve that after the way I treated you."

Chisato felt Kaoru rubbing soft, comforting circles against her back, murmuring disagreement.

"Chisato, I want to reconnect with you. I want to really get to know you again. Will you let me?"

"I...alright. I'd really like that." Chisato sniffled. “I want to try, too.”

“Okay.” Kaoru took a shaky breath. Chisato realized she’d been crying, too, but hiding it. Kaoru was still holding her, resting her forehead against Chisato’s shoulder now. “I still love you, you know. That’s never changed.”

“Yeah.” Chisato sat back, wiping residual tears from her face. “I love you too.” She realized now that she always had. It really was that simple. “Christ. I am _terrible_ at feelings.”

Kaoru laughed. “Well, that’s okay. You have so many other talents.”

That made Chisato feel like kissing her, so she did.

Food and rehearsal could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi *licks my eye like a gecko*


End file.
